Parents who grew up during the Depression of the 1930's and WWII and had their stories to tell of family members who didn't come back. A dad who went to military school in Portland, Oregon (Hill Military Academy for those who wondered.) and never had a reunion, or wanted one because he knew that most of his classmates would be dead. A mom who was the youngest child of 6. Her parents born before the turn of the last century. My grandfather was an officer and a gentleman and came up the hard way. From the ranks. After going to fight Pancho Villa on the border at 16 when he lied about his age. Not because of glory. Just because he was a man grown and part of the Guard unit that was called up. His family had 8 mouths to feed.
I was the first birth control baby of my generation in our family I'm pretty sure. The doctor's didn't much know what they were doing then. Mom was knocked out for every labor and had a beautiful baby and scars when she woke up.
Mom smoked. Everybody smoked but Dad. And she took a huge amount of hormone in the pill, but I guess I showed up anyway. I was an Rh+ baby born in 3rd position to an Rh- Mom. I was the one her body tried to kill. Nature and genetics have kinda been making me wish she's succeeded ever since. :')
For those that don't understand that generation, I've tried to lay the groundwork. Try to understand. These are not lay all your cards out on the table people. These are polite people. My grandmother almost died of cervical cancer because she hadn't had a pelvic in 40 years. My mother had an IUD grow to her uterine wall because it stayed in over 16, and no doctor ever told her it wasn't supposed to. They are far from ignorant or stupid either. My great grandmother was a doctor and owned a pharmacy, though Washington State would recognize her as no more than a midwife, being female.
But let me tell you about women from my generation...we were taught to be people pleasers, to cow-tow, to wait on company, to not make waves, to be accommodating. In some instances to the detriment of our own health and safety. I've come to see that having such truly wonderful manners is sometimes the wrong thing for your health because you are raised as that ideal 1950's type woman, and you are taught to always, always, always put yourself last. And I have discovered that my biology placed first my lover/husband and then my children above myself in my need to make them happy hierarchy; my parents were already there, as well as certain close friends. So on to the doctors.
I don't think I am that unusual in lying to them. And even on House, they treat it as common. But I don't think they get to the root of why women from certain cultures, or certain generations would lie, or really tell little half-truths. We are conciliators, Geishas and Courtesans taught the art of compromise and soothing from at least middle school on up. From the time young men become stronger than young women we are taught to sooth their tempers so that they stay rational when angry and to help them quell the adrenaline response which spikes so quickly while ours spikes so slowly. It takes our adrenaline 3 times longer to spike than a man's, but then it lasts much longer. But we also know in that rational brain we seem to sometimes develop sooner that we are much less strong, though we can endure more.
So I came to realize year after year as I was getting worse and the doctors would ask, " How did that treatment work I gave you 6 weeks ago?"
"It worked a bit." or some such prevarication would always be my answer as I tried so hard not to disappoint my (usually male) doctor and instead sabotaged my own health.
"Good. Good. Let's keep that up for the next 3 months then, and come see me in six months for your next check up."
And there goes your chance to say, "No Doctor, It didn't work at all." or "In fact, it made things worse."
This took years to dawn on me. I don't think I'm really that stupid. I just think that we are really that trained to respect doctor's authority and when they tell us something should work, we feel guilty if our body doesn't work that way. At least that's the way I reacted. And it didn't help when I ran into people who told me it was all in my head. Or that I was crazy. Or that I should just be able to wish it all away or use the power of positive thinking.
Nowadays my answers to those people would be a great deal ruder, and more like. "Look here, Cupcake. Until you've spent 3 months with a jackhammer pounding on one side of your head through your ear and an icepick nailed through your other eye twisting into your sinuses with no drugs and no relief in sight you don't have an opinion on my pain. You can sympathize, you can empathize, you can pray for me all you want. But smart remarks, cracks, or getting between me and any relief I can find and we will NOT be happy coexisters on this planet."
I also carry a fold out cane nowadays. It makes a cool sound when it snaps into place. Maybe I'll be one of those Granny's who flails around with her cane.... nah, the thought of jail is just too tempting. 3 meals. No real worries. The doctors come to you. hmmm. But they are probably MUCH tougher than I am in there. Sitting and reading all day is probably not an option. And my daughter really wouldn't like grandma jailbait. LOL
For those who aren't already familiar with headache types and information about migraine, there is a wealth of information .American Headache Society Articles. I'll also be posting links of interest in the future.
